ViagDale - Your Key To Great Health
 
This week only, I am selling a new line of "Dale's Unparalleled Mega Products (DUMP)."  As seen on TV, the DUMP line is guaranteed* and consists of a secret blend of herbs and spices, available for $1,500 per month.  However,  for my friends**, I am offering the opportunity to apply for the line for a one time fee of $5.25. For $2.95, we have an Express Consideration process. Below is my personal testimonial.  Move quickly. Supplies are limited to the first 1,000,000 people who apply for the line (unless more apply.) No salesman will call.*** 
 
Before Dale's products Dale before he took the secret formula 
After one week of using Dale's products  Dale's genuine, certified picture  
 

Go from fat to phat in two days. Not only am I the president, I am also a client. One jealous individual tried to claim that the photo had been touched up.  Don't be a skeptic, be a winner. Rush your order. You too can have a great weekend if you hurry. Don't be fooled by other products that make wild claims and cost as much as $10.00.
 

ViagDale helping propel a win* The DUMP product line is guaranteed.  If it doesn't work, we guarantee we will be surprised. We have a 30-year promise-your-money-back guarantee.  For an additional $4.95, we will include consulting with our DUMP products. 

Our clients include singers, bicycle tour winners, presidents, celebrities, supermodels, actresses, TV journalists, real estate moguls, singers/dancers, sprinters, basketball superstars, baseball players, starlets, historical figures, boxers and  web surfers, and others with $5.95 and questionable judgment.

Marilyn Monroe thanking ViagDale for her weekend figure improvements.We have helped thousands of  celebrities rise to the top.  Examples include me helping bicycle tour winner Lance win, helping TV journalist Larry King learn how to interview, helping record setting baseball player Babe Ruth learn how to hit home runs, helping basketball superstar Michael Jordan perfect the dunk (he had a 3 inche vertical leap prior to taking ViagDale one weekend), teaching singers/dancer Usher to dance, trying to coach President George Bush Jr., helping the careers of supermodels, starlets and singers by being seen with them, spending time with award winning actress Julia Roberts after giving her weekend acting lesson, firing real estate mogul Donald Trump (he couldn't cut it as a ViagDale salesman, he kept using all his samples), showing historical figure Ben Franklin how to perfect his lightning rod ideas (we used time travel technology loaned to us by Napoleon, Kip & Uncle Rico (it was easy once we got the right crystals)), helping sprinter Jesse Owens increase his speed (he was a Richard Simmons dropout prior to meeting us),  helping starlet Marilyn Monroe build a new body (and blonde hair) over a weekend, giving a special formula of ViagDale to basketball center Kareem to help him grow (he was a racing jockey prior to meeting ViagDale.)

We have a professional bored of directors.  All warrantees are void if the ViagDale bottle has been tampered with or opened.  The DUMP product is a portion of Dale's MYPAMR*** product line. **Friends are defined as folks who have $5.95 or access to someone who has that amount. ***No salesman will call, however an extremely aggressive marketing rep will be on your doorstep within 15 minutes of your call.

MYPAMR*** (make you poor and me rich) is a proprietary name and cannot be copied and otherwise distributed unless the acquirer makes a formal application on a sticky note and tapes it to their refrigerator. We have the best lawyers credit can buy and will frivilously prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.

If you wish to be a part of our exciting IPO,  put aside $3.95 for a certificate worth a 10% share in our fictional company which was incorporated to cash in on the Internet craze. Get in on the ground floor of this opportunity and stay there. This special offer will definitely be withdrawn when 1,000 certificates are sold (maybe.) Please reply by Spammail and I will tell you where to meet me to give me the $3.95 (cash only) and certificate. Contact dtincher@consultwebs.com for more information.

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News

We almost had a sale last month. 

* We have a new board of directors!!  Invest now!!

 

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Disclaimer/Fine Print: This is, of course, a humor page. We did not assist these celebrities and we really don't have products. We will not, however, insult you by refusing any money you wish to send.