Building A Web Presence In 50 Easy Steps

How to Build A Web Presence In 50 Easy Steps (Humorous, But True)
Originally “25 Easy Steps”, 23 New Steps Added By Consultwebs.com

1. Buy the books, “You Can Design Your Own Web Site In Five Minutes”, “What Designers Don’t Tell You About How Easy It ‘Really’ Is” and “You Know You Are Smarter Than They Are – If They Can Do It, You Can Do It Better.” New
2. Download a piece of Web authoring software ~ 20 minutes.
3. Think about what you want to write on your Web page ~ 6 weeks.
4. Download the same piece of Web authoring software, because they have released 3 new versions since the first time you downloaded it ~ 20 minutes.
5. Decide to just steal some images and awards to put on your site ~ 1 minute.
6. Visit sites to find images and awards, faint after seeing $200 per year licensing fees for photos, recover and find 5 affordable images that you like ~ 4 days New
7. Run setup of your Web authoring software. After it fails, download it again ~ 25 minutes.
8. Run setup again, boot the software, click all toolbar buttons to see what they do ~ 15 minutes.
9. View the source of others’ pages, steal some, change a few words here and there ~ 4 hours.
10. Preview your Web page using the Web Authoring software ~ 1 minute.
11. Try to horizontally line up two related images ~ 6 hours.
12. Remove one of the images ~ 10 seconds.
13. Set the text’s font color to the same color as your background, wonder why all your text is gone ~ 4 hours.
14. Buy the book, “Web Design for Dummies.” New
15. Download a counter from your ISP ~ 4 minutes.
16. Try to figure out why your counter reads “You are visitor number 16.3 E10″ ~ 3 hours.
17. Put 4 blank lines between two lines of text ~ 8 hours.
18. Fine-tune the text, then prepare to load your Web page on your ISP ~ 40 minutes.
19. Accidentally delete your complete web page ~ 1 second.
20. Buy the book, “Maintaining Your Site for Dummies.” New
21. Recreate your web page ~ 2 days.
22. Explain to your boss/client why the site isn’t showing up in Netscape 4.x ~ 5 minutes (it’s over his/her head – “just fix it!”) New
23. Review your boss/client’s sister-in-law’s site “to see how she did it and explain why you “didn’t do it more like that.” ~ 1 hour New
24. Try to figure out how to load your Web page onto your ISP’s server  ~ 3
    weeks.
25. Call a patient friend to find out about FTP ~ 30 minutes.
26. Download FTP software ~ 10 minutes.
27. Call your friend again ~ 15 minutes.
28. Buy the book, “FTP for Dummies.” New
29. Upload your web page to your ISP’s server ~ 10 minutes.
30. Connect to your site on the web ~ 1 minute.
31. Write to the FPlist to try to determine why, after a simple FTP, your FP extended site is corrupted and the borders are missing (you didn’t notice until 24 hours later) ~ 1 nervous, shaky-handed minute New
32. Repair corruption damage ~ 2 days New
33. Spend two weeks trying to find the web page files that have gotten lost, only to come to the conclusion that you had better rebuild or spend the rest of your life in cyberspace.  You vow to — BACKUP, BACKUP, BACKUP!  No, I did not, yet again!
34. Explain to your boss/client why the site is taking “weeks longer to develop” (as you absorb the hours/cost.) New
35. Tweak your meta tags in preparation for search engine submission ~ 1.5 hours & Tylenol (if you have studied
    previously – add 8-16 hours if not, since most “experts” disagree and search engines are different.) New
36. Submit your site to the search engines, including Yahoo, AltaVista, Google, DMOZ, business.com, etc. ~ 1.5 hours (you eventually learn that it should be done manually) New
37. Explain to your boss (one day later) why the site isn’t showing up in the top 500, much less the top 10 ~ 5 minutes.New
38. Re-explain to your boss or client (one month later) why your site isn’t showing up in the top 500, much less the top 10 (again) ~ 5 minutes New
39. Buy Web positioning / promotion software ~ 5 minutes New
40. Re-explain to your boss (three months later — repeated monthly) why your site isn’t showing up in the top 500, much less the top 10 ~ 5 minutes New
41. Explain to your boss/client why your competitors are ranking higher than you are and why his/her 13-year-old daughter’s Web site ranks higher than his business site. New
42. Buy new search engine software, re-tweak your site, use the search engine software to build the doorways & resubmit your site to the search engines, including Yahoo, AltaVista, Google, DMOZ, business.com, etc. ~ 2 hoursNew
43. Explain to your boss why your site was disqualified for Spamming the index ~ 1 minute New
44. Help your boss find Web search engine optimizing consultants ~ 15 minutes New
45. Carefully do AltaVista search on Job opportunities while nervously watching for cubicle visitors ~ 1 hour New
46. Buy the book, “Why Did I Get Into This Business for Dummies” ~ 5 minutes New
47. Spend the evening reflecting on the fact that, despite it all, you really enjoy Web design. New
48. Repeat any and all of the previous steps ~ eternity.
    Note: We said 50 steps. Trust me, it will grow to 50, then 60….  New

Consultwebs.com is a Raleigh North Carolina Web design and Web consulting company.

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